Modern
Day Samaritan Woman
Coming
to Terms with placing Mom in a Home.
If
it is so Right why does it feel like betrayal!!!
After
much thought, denial, hope, failure, loss and prayer it finally became clear to
me that Mom would have to be placed into a home that could better understand
and care for her and her Alzheimer’s disease.
I
don’t even think of it as Mom has Alzheimer’s…more like Alzheimer’s has Mom and
I don’t know how to free her from it. In fact Alzheimer’s has the whole family
wrapped in the nightmare world of confusion and stress levels I never ever
imagined were possible.
Everyone
in the family is affected by the disease…
Taking
care of her was one thing, but finding a suitable home with the right people to
take on her care proved almost impossible to do. After mailing at least fifty
e-mails all over the place and making several hundred phone calls, I eventually
found the right place for Mom…
But
if it’s so right why does it never the less still feel like such a terrible
betrayal?
Everything
I have read about the disease clearly indicates that it will progressively
worsen and that there is no diet, pill or magical formula that will reverse the
damage already done to her brain and imagining Mom in a state of confusion,
alone and afraid is sometimes more than I can bear.
Yet,
I had to make hard decisions on her behalf and I had to take her to the home
and leave her there. She went voluntarily, was quite keen to go in fact. Almost
as if somewhere in her deepest self she knew that this was the best for her and
for us, her children.
But
if it’s so right why does it never the less still feel like such a terrible
betrayal?
The
day I left her at the home was the same as leaving a toddler at a Nursery
School for the first time. I had so many things to carry over to the nursing
staff pertaining to her preferences of food and clothing, when she likes to
bath and nap and even about the little heart pillow she insists has to be under
her head when she sleeps. She simply will not settle without her heart pillow
in place. All her idiosyncrasies which I automatically adhere to, despite her personality
changing. Growing up with Mom I know just about everything about her and
handing her over into the care of someone else proved to be quite challenging
despite the fact that it was also a relief of sorts.
I will
now be able to sleep through the night, have a long leisurely bath from time to
time, go out on occasion with my husband again and even have an uninterrupted meal
(Blissful Blessing's now, but so taken for granted in the past)…
She
on the other hand is surrounded by nurses and aides who are qualified to attend
to her needs far more adequately than I could. She is in professional care and
the people around her know how to handle and manage the different whims and notions
that accompany Alzheimer’s.
But
if it’s so right why does it never the less still feel like such a terrible
betrayal?
The
sister at the home has assured me that my feelings and emotions are perfectly
normal, because after all is said and done, this is Mom, my Mom and that I am
still in denial despite my vast accumulated knowledge of this horrible disease.
Do
you also struggle with the emotions bonds that accompany the caring and
decision making for a loved one with Alzheimer’s?
My
hope lies in the fact that my Creator lives and He still has the whole world in
His hands.
He reaches Mom when I can’t.
He protects her when I’m not there.
He
comforts her with His presence when she is lonely and afraid…
*Hugs* till next time.
Ariéte
