Modern Day Samaritan Woman

Playing the Second Fiddler Gracefully

None of us like playing the second fiddle and yet invariably at one point or another in our lives we will find ourselves playing that second fiddle. It could be that we are playing second fiddle to a sibling, a friend, a child, a colleague or even a spouse. Invariably, someone will come along and be the “better” person.

Most often, they are not really better in terms of skill and ability; but in terms of favor, they just simply overshadow you and although you can do whatever that person does (possibly even better) you just don’t have the favor resting on you that that person has…and so you become the second fiddler.

This position tends to creep up on us. We don’t always notice that we are the second fiddler and will play along for some time, until it dawns on us. Usually when we realize that we are the second fiddler we react with disbelief and anger. It feels hurtful and unfair, particularly when it’s a recurring occurrence. Our sense of pride and achievement feels trampled and abused. The unfairness of it all seems to flood all reason and coherent thought from our minds. Waves of resentment flow through our beings not only towards the person who is “in favor” but also towards the person who is directing that favor.

How then are we to react when we are in that position? How must we respond? Ranting and raving, creating a fuss or even withdrawing won’t bring about the desired “favor” we are seeking.

Start with God:

The very first thing we should do is turn to God and hear His options about who we are. 

The only “favor” we should really be seeking is His.

Proverbs 1:7 “Start with God—the first step in learning is bowing down to God;
only fools thumb their noses at such wisdom and learning.” (MSG)

Don’t assume you know it all:

Don’t assume you know all there is to know about the heart of the person directing the favor or even the one receiving it.

Proverbs 3: 5 – 8 “Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track. Don’t assume that you know it all. Run to God! Run from evil! Your body will glow with health; your very bones will vibrate with life!” (MSG)

Be vigilant to your own heart & behaviour:

Don’t allow bitterness to enter you heart. Perhaps you have played second fiddle for years and have grown hard and resentful about it and the people involved. It’s so easy to close off the heart when you are forced to play the second fiddle; particularly when it’s repetitive.

Proverbs 4: 23 – 27 “Keep vigilant watch over your heart; that’s where life starts.
Don’t talk out of both sides of your mouth; avoid careless banter, white lies, and gossip. Keep your eyes straight ahead; ignore all sideshow distractions. Watch your step, and the road will stretch out smooth before you. Look neither right nor left; leave evil in the dust.”(MSG)

Be cautious to check how you treat other people. 

Make sure that someone else does not feel like the second fiddler because of your unfair behavior or favor.

Remember that there were several well know characters in the bible and in history that also played the second fiddle: A lot of good in this world may never have been accomplished without the person willing to be an excellent “Second Fiddler”. The same may be true of you, right now in that position.

Sometimes we just need to obtain an attitude of being the very best “second fiddler” that we can be. God can turn all things to the good.

Have you ever found yourself to be the second fiddler? Maybe you are playing that role right now? How does it make you feel? Have you ever done the same to someone else? And if you were the best second fiddler there was, how did God use it for good.

*Hugs* till next time.

Ariéte