Modern
Day Samaritan Woman
Poison
Apples, Magic Mirrors, Prayer and all that Jazz
If you have read my introduction you will know that I
have been blessed with a new husband, who came along with children of his own.
This
meant that the day I said
“I
do”
was
the day I became an instant step-mom.
However, as with all things that really matter it didn’t
come with a handy “How to do & don’t ” Manual. I had to and
still have to figure it out step by step.
One of the HUGE
advantages of being a step mom is I get to have a “Do Over”… My own children
have grown up and left home and their flight from my nest left me with a nasty
case of “empty nest syndrome”. I was a home school mom for sixteen years and
very involved with my children’s lives. We lived intentionally day by day,
always present in the moment. Someone once said
“The greatest gift you can give
to someone was to be present with them in the moment, whatever the moment was.”
Although I am very proud that my children have grown up
into productive, honest citizens producing their part for our economy (preparing them to take their part in the
world was the whole point of home-schooling) I missed the growing up days.
All too soon it was over and I had mixed feelings about
it. On the one hand, I was delighted that I would never ever, ever have to solve another math problem
again and I would never have to kill
an hour or more while music, art, whatever lessons were being had (of which there were many), but on the
other hand those years with my children were the most productive, amazing years
of my life and they passed by too quickly. Can you believe I missed the mess
and the noise and the constant rush from one thing to another? All the things I
had wished would pass were the very things I missed.
Roll on June, 21st
2014 and all of the above changed and suddenly I was a mom again, with real
children, demanding real attention and bringing their own peculiar brand of
personality into the mix. The only difference being that these were not my own
biological children. They belonged to someone else, so although I had all the
“mothering instincts and skills” it was not quite the same.
Some of the challenges we faced were:
·
We didn’t have the benefit of growing up
together and becoming acquainted with one another’s idiosyncrasies and habits.
Something. that just happens automatically when you have your own children from
birth.
AND
· My husband and I had different parenting
techniques.
So being the practical person that I am and determined to
be in the moment, intentionally living day by day alongside these wonder new
and “strange” new people in my life I knew I would have to approach things in a
different manner.
What had worked and sometimes failed with my own children
would not necessarily be the same with these “new children”.
I spent a lot of time thinking about the best way to
approach the “Step Mom” scenario and after a short while I realized I would not
be successful in any way, unless I invited God into the dilemma and simply
prayed for each one of my step children, as I have done for my own children all
of these years.
The question was how and what to pray for?
I decided to utilize my diary in order to keep track of
my prayers and also as a self-accountability tool. I write down my prayers for all
the children (mine and his) every single day. Sometimes I find it amusing
because I will find myself thinking “Do
you really expect God to read the prayer, or do you think He will forget what
you are asking for.” I found that praying for the children gave me the
advantage of foresight and additional tolerance and thanks to the Holy Spirit my
prayers started to bond me to the children in ways that no “How to do” manual
would.
“When you pray for people a
change happens inside your own heart. Even as you are directing your prayers in
the direction of another, it is your heart that becomes soft and malleable to
the Lord and then He is able to place compassion, patience and even wisdom into
your spirit for that person”.
I believe that He placed a genuine heart felt affection
and love for my “new” children into my heart. This is very important because
God cares a great deal about these children. They are His creation. How I treat them and handle their hearts and
concerns matters. They are as real to me and as special to me as my own are. Yet,
I know this did not happen by itself or because of my “greatness” as a Mom. Prayer
works in very unexpected ways.
This is all new to me, so day by day I do what I can and
pray very hard and intentionally for wisdom and guidance as I go about the task
of living and home making. I don’t by any means claim to be an expert and the
above mentioned isn't meant to function as a “How to do & don’t” Manual. It
is simply a record of my own experience at the very beginning. I have no doubt
that more challenges will follow but I have discovered that prayer is the key
to all challenges faced in all types of relationships.
What about you? Have you faced the same challenges? Or perhaps others?
How did you as step parent bond with your step children? Or perhaps you are the
step child. Do you have any words of wisdom that would enable us, the step
parents to understand and love our step children better?
*Hugs* till next time.
Ariéte
