Modern Day Samaritan Woman

Update: Interceding for My Broken Marriage

Restoration and Rebuilding

Blessed Do Overs

Standing for a spouse can be a very lonely time but in my case turned out to be an amazing blessing, despite the pain and loneliness. Holy Spirit revamped my heart and motives which in turn helped me to realize that I too had faults and areas that urgently required attention.

Several months passed and eventually the blessed hope that I had carried bore fruit and my spouse and I were reunited and restored. This however could not just be a continuation of the marriage, because we had both undergone changes during our separation and were quite simply not the same people who had broken up.

This was a bessed “do over” and with Fathers help we were able to discuss ans discard many issues and able to view our marriage in light of eternity versus just him and I in the union. We both realized that we had much to lose and therefore we decided to build our marriage towards specific goals that we both wished to attain. Unity in decision making, companionship to one another, our own home. Specific things that we could work towards to maintain our focus on the things that mattered to us.

The above mentioned were lovely goals but it was not an easy thing to accomplish. Very quickly the normal pressures of life would press in and threaten to overwhelm the easy equilibrium of our new fresh start. Despite the many obstacles that came our way and the many minor disagreements we pressed on to the goals that we had set and after two years were rewarded with our own home.

There are no words to express the joy and the thankfulness of our hearts. Things were tough and will be tough as long as we are in this world but Father has provided a steady foundation for us and as long as we build on that foundation we will not be tossed about and torn apart at random. We just need to remember to anchor our lives and marriage and dreams on that foundation.

*Hugs* till next time.

Ariéte

Modern Day Samaritan Woman

Update: Interceding for My Broken Marriage

Hop - Scotching on Faith –

The anchor holds in the middle of the Storm.

Few things can test our faith more than when we have been called to stand in the gap for a loved one and despite many prayers, tears and seemingly  IN OUR OWN OPINION a lot of faith haven’t seen the desired results. We begin to question whether God has indeed given us the “mission” to stand in the gap. We begin to doubt ourselves, our faith and even start to come up with excuses as to why we may have misinterpreted Gods Will concerning our marriages.

Whatever we may feel, it’s important to understand and accept that the process of Godly restoration in our marriages is exactly that … a process and Father in His wisdom doesn’t only work on our prodigal spouse but in us as well.

How well do I remember the nights I would sit at His feet bemoaning one or other personal injury my spouse had inflicted on me, only to hear Father softly say, “I hear you but that is between him and I, Why don’t we talk about this instead?” While strategically placing his finger firmly on a character trait of my own that we had to address. I knew that nothing was going to change with regards my husband, until I had honestly faced the character flaw no matter how I tried to squirm out of it.

I quickly learned from that this process of standing the gap for someone else actually means starting with self-reflection and correction. I believe that I can honestly say that unless we are prepared to delve deeply into our own personalities and character traits first, we cannot expect that Father will assist us in “correcting” someone else’s character traits and flaws.

This is a difficult step, particularly when we feel we have been offended or hurt by a spouse or other prodigal, yet it has been my experience that nothing was going to change until I permitted Holy Spirit to highlight and expose areas in my own life that required illumination, correction and eradication all together.

I can clearly recall one such instance when I had the audacity to tell Father, “But you don’t understand!” Yes, I really did…It didn’t take me long to remember I was addressing the Omniscient Almighty Who clearly understood all too well…

So if you are called to stand in the gap for someone and to pray for a prodigal, prepare yourself to first address personal flaws before being directed by Holy Spirit into intercession and warfare on behalf of another.

The following are some of the more practical steps I learned along the way which may assist you if you are embarking on this journey of standing in for your spouse and a broken marriage.

1. Standing in for your broken marriage is a lonely walk. It is your marriage; therefore your commitment. Most of my well-meaning friends and family suggested that I should just move on instead of encouraging me to stand and fight on my knees. This is a time of true testing. How committed am I? How true were my vows? How pure was my love?

2. Find one or two trusted friends to assist you in prayer and encouragement. These friends should be of the same gender as you. When you are beginning this walk you are very emotionally unstable (particularly if your spouse appears to have moved on and having the time of their life without you), so you need some very safe and trusted friends who will assist you and support you. Befriending a person of the opposite sex and confiding in them regarding your emotions and broken heart is not advisable.

For one this could result in inappropriate feelings developing for this person or even vice versa (Which would defeat the purpose of standing in for your broken marriage). Secondly, your spouse would feel threatened by this friendship when he/she does return, creating unnecessary issues that will only add to the complexity of your marriage problems. Remember the issues that originally caused the marriage to break down are not going to magically disappear during this time of separation. They will still have to be addressed when your spouse returns. Therefore it certainly is better not to add to them with new issues.

3. Don’t discuss your spouse or what happened in a negative light with friends and even family. If you truly want your spouse back consider what they will be returning to. Do you want them to feel welcome in the home and family again or to always feel ostracised because family members know the ”dirt” and have already prejudged? Remember you love your spouse so your forgiveness will come easily, but not others who only focus on your pain.

4. Behave and live like a married person. The things you did and did not do prior to your separation are still applicable. If you truly are standing in for your broken marriage then you can’t live and behave like a single person. This is truly an either / or scenario. Either you want to remain married and will stand in the gap and pray while Father does the work of restoration or you want to be single and go out and behave like a single person. Once again the onus rests on you, as the person standing in the gap to be led by Holy Spirit, to live in a chaste and respectful manner (regardless of what your spouse is doing or not doing). Tit for tat never worked and never resolved anything.  This does not mean that you never go out at all. You can certainly socialize with your family and even with friends; just as you would have if your marriage was intact. However, there is a difference between socializing with family around a braai (barbeque) or attending a movie with friends and clubbing it out with people until the wee hours of the morning.

5. This is a lonely walk and it will take every bit of self – restraint not to give up and throw in the towel. I can tell you from experience that I had several “melt downs”, and several restarts, but Father is faithful and was there every step of the way. Trust and faith became my “key words”.

6. Do something that you like to do. Join a gym, prayer group, hobby circle, whatever you personally enjoy. This is now your opportunity to do that which you have always dreamed of doing. This provides an opportunity to get you out of the house, socializing with like-minded people for a few hours a week and provides an outlet for the loneliness.

7. Spend all your alone time in prayer, bible study and fellowship with God. His Word says Seek and you will find. This is so true. I found that my alone time soon became very treasured time spent with Father and I hardly noticed the time passing or that I was alone.

Restoration:

After several months of standing for my marriage, fighting off despair and trusting madly in God to bring about restoration, I can testify today that Father did just that. He restored to me my marriage and my husband. The reconciliation was as beautiful and special as I had always dreamed and I am eternally grateful.

However, we spend so much time day-dreaming and fighting for the success and restoration of our marriages that we don’t really think about the actual homecoming, which brings with it challenges of its own.

In my next blog post I will share how I prepared my home, heart and life for the return of my prodigal an also highlight some of the potential challenges that accompany the restoration.

Have you received an instruction from our Father to stand in the gap for someone?

Decide today to be obedient. He does not disappoint. There is no telling what your prayers will mean to your loved one.

Join us on face book – Come encourage and find encouragement in a group of like-minded people with similar struggles and hopes.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1682277278697741/?ref=bookmarks

*Hugs* till next time.

Ariéte

A Test in Obedience – 31 Days

Head Covering / Prayer Room / Facing Giants

Day 30: FAMILY MINISTRY/RESTORATION

Click here to start at the beginning

I believe I am now called to begin family ministry with my grown children, step children, siblings, parents etc. and share the knowledge I have gained. We all live dispersed through various different communities around the city and country. Therefore, we do not all fellowship together, but attend various churches within our own communities.

There is nothing inherently wrong with this but I do believe that we as family should specifically be ministering to one another, listening to one another’s concerns and praying for one another in a more purposeful manner for unity.

The enemy of our souls targets families and tears them apart creating feuds and rifts that are largely unnecessary, bringing division because there is great spiritual power to be found in united prayerful families. I can only imagine what a difference it would make if everyone in our family began to pray more purposely and effectively to one another.

I explained all of the above to my husband (when he visited) this evening and we both knelt together and interceded for one another, our marriage and for our extended family as never before. I believe our mutual prayer penetrated every obstacle and problem we have been facing and I am confident that from here on out, we will grow in strength. What the enemy attempted to destroy, our Lord only strengthened and is restoring.

Spiritual Lesson:

Prayer is very much a spiritual discipline; one that anyone  from a child to an adult can master, yet few of us truly press in to understand precisely how to pray; however this does not mean that we cannot press in and grow and utilize practical resources to assist us. My prayer life has advanced in leaps and bounds since I discovered this little truth; however, as with all things worthwhile, I would be remiss if I did not point out that the enemy does not stand idly by when we commit to grow in our personal prayer lives, but throws all types of painful and on occasion quite disruptive fiery darts our way.

Physical Lesson:

My prayer life has now changed irrevocably and I aim to set aside a prayer room in my house, where anyone of us within the home can retreat to and pray uninterrupted.

I also intend to rewrite this challenge in a user friendly book in order to be utilized as a guide for anyone else that would like to follow suit.

The head covering, while praying is a definite must as far as I am concerned.

Prayer:

Our Father, Precious Lord, Thank You for the ability to learn, to stretch and to be tested. Although the experience is not always pleasant, the results are always worth the effort, because You know best. Now that we have scratched the surface, please help us to press in ever deeper, practicing the spiritual discipline of prayer and communion with You, until we perfect it..

In Jesus Name we pray…Amen!!!

*Hugs* till next time.

Ariéte

Modern Day Samaritan Woman

Sticks & Stones will break my Bones, 

but words will never harm me!!!!.

Resolving conflicts in the wrong way!!!

This blog post is specially for all the Step Moms, Dads and Step Children. 

It is a very sensitive blog for reasons that will become obvious as you read, but I am going to address this matter, as I believe it’s necessary to be transparent (especially when you want to find and provide assistance  from and to other people) without stepping on toes and hurting feelings any more than is necessary.

During the past two weeks I experienced the total breakdown of my relationships with all of my step children and watched as my daughter’s relationship with her step father also fragmented. These fragile relationships, like prized, incomparable, brand new shiny vases shattered into tiny fragments of broken glass, cutting deep, as they splintered, cracked and unexpectedly exploded.

I have since tried to gather all the broken pieces together, but it almost seems like a pointless exercise, because I know that even as I trace and match and size the pieces they will never fit back together in exactly the same way again. Some pieces crumbled into a fine powder, too small to pick up and other pieces are probably lost altogether, which will form tiny holes and cracks in the repaired vases.

It all started on a normal day…Don’t all conflicts???

Unexpectedly my husband and I had a disagreement on an issue and instead of calmly reaching out to one another to resolve the matter amicably, the rift widened quickly between us and walls came up.  Before we fully comprehended the situation the battle lines were drawn in the sand, with each of us taking our stand. Naturally the children pledged allegiance to their father… blood is thicker than water. I wasn’t surprised by this at all. It was expected. Mine would naturally have supported me had they lived with me and been present at the time.

As one day bled painfully into another, the stand-off continued. (Yes!!! Before you ask me…I have heard and even quoted the expression “Don’t let the sun set on your anger!” but I have also discovered that, that is far easier to say than to do sometimes).

One day became two…….three…….. a week…….agonising days of indecision, anger, incredible sadness, misdirection, as we continued our separate routines without speaking or resolving the matter. Each waiting for the other to make the first move…

Until, another twist in events dragged my social media into the whole debacle.

 Let me just interject here, for those who do not know my husband. He has no interest in the internet or social media whatsoever, (Yes, such people actually exist) has no internet accounts… not even e-mail, so he has no idea what is posted on my social media. No!!!  he does not read my blog, (except on the few occasions when I will read something from it to him), so he had no back ground to go on, except to believe what he had been told / shown).

Truthfully!!! At this point I could literally see the Prized Vases literally crumble and turn to dust and powder in front of my eyes… How had a disagreement, albeit a relatively serious one progressed this far? The battle lines now shifted altogether. No longer was the “issue” the issue; but hubby and I were now moved like pawns, into the position of accuser and defender…with me having to “prove” my innocence…

How easily does the accuser of the brethren come between people!!!

The prowling lion poised to pounce…

In the end, it took only three hours of serious, uninterrupted, dialogue between hubby and I to resolve the original issue, as well as, that of my social media. Just three hours in which neither of us had to “give in”. Instead we both compromised and met one another half way…The matter was resolved, shelved, apologies were exchanged , all was forgiven and our relationship was restored to where it should be…

However, in the wake of the disagreement lay the other broken relationships that now needed to be mended and as mentioned above will probably never be quite the same as before. No rewinding, or re-playing this one.

I know that I have to forgive even if I am never forgiven because the onus rests on me, as the adult to provide the example…

Why is this so hard?

When God forgave me my sins so freely.

Psalm 130:3-4 “If you, God, kept records on wrongdoings, who would stand a chance? As it turns out, forgiveness is your habit, and that’s why you’re worshiped.” (MSG)

As I am typing I glance down and am reminded by a quote I have displayed on my office desk that states: 

“When I stand before the throne, dressed in beauty not my own; When I see Thee as Thou art, love Thee with unceasing heart; Then, Lord shall I fully know – not till then – how much I owe” Anon

Grace – 

immeasurable pardon 

and mercy 

poured on me despite 

my own despicable sin.

On that great day, will any of this matter or will my pride prevent me from knowing that great blessing?

No!!! My hope is in our Father in heaven who is the specialist in restored relationships and with His help I aim to pick up every piece, glue every tiny fragmented piece together again with love, patience and joy.

Galatians 6:1-3 “[ Nothing but the Cross ] Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day’s out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ’s law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived. MSG (Emphasis my own)

If you are a Step Mom or Step Dad, I sympathise with you. Such a relationship is a tricky mine-field with all sorts of potential land-mines you could unwittingly step on…We didn’t receive manuals the day we were married and being a mother or father doesn’t automatically qualify you for the role of Step-Parenting. Far from it…This is a step by step walk into the unknown, with the added encumbrance of wearing the blind fold of insecurity…Meeting the new children where they are is tricky…never knowing when to speak and when to be quiet, when to intercede and when to back off…Perseverance, prayer and lots of patience will be required but I do believe that it is doable.

If you are a Step Child, I also sympathise with you. You weren’t part of the process that caused your parents to divorce in the first place and you certainly were not part of the process when your parent (s) remarried again and yet you are thrown into a blended family with changed rules and new Step Siblings to adjust to. As hard as it may seem to believe most Step Parents are not out to get you. (Yes! I know there are a few exceptions). But for the most part your Step Parent married because they were looking for companionship and a partner in life…You are the added blessing…just one more child to care for and love… but they do not have handy manuals, so with your co-operation perhaps you could both meet in the middle ground and forge new unchartered territory together…instead of following the masses into the dreaded “Step Family Legends of Disaster  Failures” …rather charter new courses together as  a blended family and lead other Step Families into new beginnings…

As a child I remember chanting

“Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never harm me”

during playground battles…never ever realizing how devastating words could be…

May we all learn to place a guard before our mouths…

Have you found yourself in a similar situation with your Step – Children / Parents? How did you resolve the issues? What ways did you find to mend broken bridges? Please share with us in the comments so that as Step Parents and Step Children we can all find answers.

*Hugs* till next time.

Ariéte