Modern
Day Samaritan Woman
Update:
Interceding for My Broken Marriage
Hop
- Scotching on Faith –
The
anchor holds in the middle of the Storm.
Few things can test our faith more than when we
have been called to stand in the gap for a loved one and despite many prayers,
tears and seemingly IN OUR OWN OPINION a
lot of faith haven’t seen the desired results. We begin to question whether God
has indeed given us the “mission” to stand in the gap. We begin to doubt
ourselves, our faith and even start to come up with excuses as to why we may
have misinterpreted Gods Will concerning our marriages.
Whatever we may feel, it’s important to understand
and accept that the process of Godly restoration in our marriages is exactly
that … a process and Father in His
wisdom doesn’t only work on our prodigal spouse but in us as well.
How well do I remember the nights I would sit at
His feet bemoaning one or other personal injury my spouse had inflicted on me,
only to hear Father softly say, “I hear you but that is between him and I,
Why don’t we talk about this instead?” While strategically placing his
finger firmly on a character trait of my own that we had to address. I knew
that nothing was going to change with regards my husband, until I had honestly
faced the character flaw no matter how I tried to squirm out of it.
I quickly learned from that this process of
standing the gap for someone else actually means starting with self-reflection
and correction. I believe that I can honestly say that unless we are prepared
to delve deeply into our own personalities and character traits first, we
cannot expect that Father will assist us in “correcting” someone else’s
character traits and flaws.
This is a difficult step, particularly when we feel
we have been offended or hurt by a spouse or other prodigal, yet it has been my
experience that nothing was going to change until I permitted Holy Spirit to
highlight and expose areas in my own life that required illumination,
correction and eradication all together.
I can clearly recall one such instance when I had
the audacity to tell Father, “But you don’t understand!” Yes, I
really did…It didn’t take me long to remember I was addressing the Omniscient
Almighty Who clearly understood all too well…
So if you are called to stand in the gap for
someone and to pray for a prodigal, prepare yourself to first address personal
flaws before being directed by Holy Spirit into intercession and warfare on
behalf of another.
The following are some of the more practical steps I
learned along the way which may assist you if you are embarking on this journey
of standing in for your spouse and a broken marriage.
1. Standing in for your broken marriage is a lonely walk. It is your marriage; therefore your commitment. Most
of my well-meaning friends and family suggested that I should just move on
instead of encouraging me to stand and fight on my knees. This is a time of true
testing. How committed am I? How true were my vows? How pure was my love?
2. Find one or two trusted
friends to assist you in prayer and encouragement. These friends should be
of the same gender as you. When you are beginning this walk you are very emotionally
unstable (particularly if your spouse appears to have moved on and having the
time of their life without you), so you need some very safe and trusted friends
who will assist you and support you. Befriending a person of the opposite sex
and confiding in them regarding your emotions and broken heart is not
advisable.
For one this could result in inappropriate feelings developing for this
person or even vice versa (Which would defeat the purpose of standing in for
your broken marriage). Secondly, your spouse would feel threatened by this
friendship when he/she does return, creating unnecessary issues that will only
add to the complexity of your marriage problems. Remember the issues that
originally caused the marriage to break down are not going to magically
disappear during this time of separation. They will still have to be addressed
when your spouse returns. Therefore it certainly is better not to add to them
with new issues.
3. Don’t discuss your spouse
or what happened in a negative light with friends and even family. If you truly
want your spouse back consider what they will be returning to. Do you want them
to feel welcome in the home and family again or to always feel ostracised
because family members know the ”dirt” and have already prejudged? Remember you
love your spouse so your forgiveness will come easily, but not others who only
focus on your pain.
4. Behave and live like a married
person. The things you did and did not do prior to your separation are
still applicable. If you truly are standing in for your broken marriage then
you can’t live and behave like a single person. This is truly an either / or
scenario. Either you want to remain married and will stand in the gap and pray
while Father does the work of restoration or you want to be single and go out
and behave like a single person. Once again the onus rests on you, as the
person standing in the gap to be led by Holy Spirit, to live in a chaste and
respectful manner (regardless of what your spouse is doing or not doing). Tit
for tat never worked and never resolved anything. This does not mean that you never go out at
all. You can certainly socialize with your family and even with friends; just
as you would have if your marriage was intact. However, there is a difference
between socializing with family around a braai (barbeque) or attending a movie
with friends and clubbing it out with people until the wee hours of the
morning.
5. This is a lonely walk and
it will take every bit of self – restraint not to give up and throw in the towel.
I can tell you from experience that I had several “melt downs”, and several
restarts, but Father is faithful and was there every step of the way. Trust and
faith became my “key words”.
6. Do something that you like to
do. Join a gym, prayer group, hobby circle, whatever you personally enjoy.
This is now your opportunity to do that which you have always dreamed of doing.
This provides an opportunity to get you out of the house, socializing with
like-minded people for a few hours a week and provides an outlet for the
loneliness.
7. Spend all your alone time in
prayer, bible study and fellowship with God. His Word says Seek and you
will find. This is so true. I found that my alone time soon became very
treasured time spent with Father and I hardly noticed the time passing or that
I was alone.
Restoration:
After several months of standing for my marriage, fighting off despair
and trusting madly in God to bring about restoration, I can testify today that
Father did just that. He restored to me my marriage and my husband. The
reconciliation was as beautiful and special as I had always dreamed and I am
eternally grateful.
However, we spend so much time day-dreaming and fighting for the success
and restoration of our marriages that we don’t really think about the actual
homecoming, which brings with it challenges of its own.
In my next blog post I will share how I prepared my home, heart and life
for the return of my prodigal an also highlight some of the potential challenges
that accompany the restoration.
Have you received an instruction from our Father to
stand in the gap for someone?
Decide today to be obedient. He does not disappoint.
There is no telling what your prayers will mean to your loved one.
Join us on face book – Come encourage and find
encouragement in a group of like-minded people with similar struggles and
hopes.
*Hugs* till next time.
Ariéte
